I know this to be a fact because my 2009 has started out with zero passion - very lack luster and dull. I will say, I had my vision of what 2009 could have become for me personally - and was very passionate about the road I was going to take to get there. I was on a road to self discovery - a road which to me was very scary and very exciting all the the same time. I am by nature a very passionate person, but when you lose something that you value most in life, it challenges you to dig deep and re-evaulate your passions in life.
There were 4 things in my life that I was very passionate about until last week. Those 4 things were my relationship with God, my family (including my children), my career, and my most valued personal relationship with my best friend. I was pretty balanced in my passion for each of those things and though some require more effort than others, these 4 things kept my life in balance and kept me very focused on the year ahead and what I had hoped to accomplish.
What's interesting - is when you lose one of those things that you are so passionate about - it throws your entire balance off. I haven't lost my job, I haven't lost a family member, and I haven't lost my faith in God - though I'm pretty upset with Him right now. So I had this even scale - a balanced life and now find my scale to be completely tipped in one direction and lacking passion because I lost my best friend (or I should say he chose to lose me).
I for one - do not function well when I don't have passion in my life. And these days I am struggling to find it. Here's where the viral effect of passion comes in...
I have had a bad several days to say the least - in losing probably the most valued relationship I have ever had in my life. My family (passion #2) is the best around - and decided it best to invade my home, not for a day, but for the weekend to keep me occupied. The bottom line? I have a nicer TV than my mother, and both of my brothers and my sister-in-law are big football fans. I am not passionate about football. THEY are passionate about football and wanted to see the game in on a big screen (and on some level were probably thinking they didn't want me to sit home and pity myself).
So the family shows up with bags and bags of food and snacks (along with their pillows and personal effects for the overnight visit) and the invasion had begun. It's all good. I sit with them, though I'm not really watching the game - not passionate about football, though I used to be. I ask an occasional question - who's playing, what's the score, was that a first down? blah blah blah without much real interest in the game.
Now my brother and sister-in-law just moved back east from San Diego - so they of course were rooting for San Diego in what turned out be an exciting OT game (though I went to bed at halftime) - through which there was much yelling and screaming at my house.
Sunday rolls around and we are watching the playoffs again. This time I go to the store and get food to make snacks for my family - I'm happy to have them there. I have to admit now that there has been much yelling and screaming that by the time the second game has come on - the passion my family has exuded for the game has rubbed off on me and I find myself yelling at the TV.
So in the end - I'm grateful to my family for coming over and sharing their passion for football with me, and while I'm not jumping on the wagon as a football fan, I am happy to be reminded that there are things in life to be passionate about, even the simple things like football - and I just need to now figure out what my new things are.
It's those little things in life that we are passionate about that lead us to other passionate people and give us things to look forward to. For now, I look forward to this coming Sunday. As my family was leaving this past Sunday they informed me they'd be over again at Noon this coming Sunday to share some more passion for football.
As for me, I now need to find a way to fill this huge void in my life, a relationship I was completely passionate about. I will temporarily fill it with the other 3 things in my life I am most passionate about, but the void remains and seems to grow bigger every day. After some time, I'm sure something will take its place, but I suspect that will take quite some time or may never occur.
I will continue my search and in the mean time will take pleasure in the things that those closest to me are passionate about, as seeing that passion does bring me joy.